Letter for Work Experience
G.Rose Garden
98668693
Date :09/09/2008
Subject : Work Experience
Dear Sir,
I wish to apply for a Work Experience position in ADK laboratory for 3 weeks during my vacation period of semester 2(May to July).
I,sama being a student at MCHE college majoring in life science. From my early childhood days I like science field and was also interested to work in laboratory rather than working in offices of assigned tasks. I like to explore new things in the laboratory and learn the wonders of nature. Hence there forth I choose ADK hospital to train because of its excellent medical service and also being largest medical organization of the country. If I was given an opportunity to train, I assure that ill perform my duties to the best of my ability.
If you are prepared to consider me, please contact me on the above telephone number or write to the above address.
Hoping positively, I have enclosed the necessary documents of my identity and referees.
Thanking you
Yours faithfully,
Aminath Sama.
My view of the letter:
The letter shown above is a letter received by my uncle who worked in HRM department of ADK Hospital. This letter was sent by a student studying in MCHE (name of the university) for work experience during her vacation period.
Negative comments:
• First of all, in my point of view, the sender address should be in right top corner of the letter and the receiver address should be in the left corner of the letter.
• It would have been better if the sender could write the contact details below the letter. Also in addition to the date, day and the month name in words inclusion must be written.
• Nextly,looking at the salutation of the letter we find that it would be good to say, Dear Sir/Madam rather than just saying sir, because the sender probably will won’t know who the receiver of this email is.
• Analyzing on the body of the letter we could notice that she forget to give many important details in which the receiver might expect from the writer of the letter. That is she missed to give details such as her current year of study. In addition, she also missed to give information about the exact period she wished to have the work experience. Also she missed to indicate the department she wished to work for.
• We could also notice some usage of short hand notations in this letter. That is words like “ill” instead of “I will”. Also it could have been better if she could told the full name of the university rather than just typing “MCHE”
• Initially the tone of the letter was pleasing but towards the end, the phrase “If you are prepared to consider me” affects the tone of the whole message.
Positive comments:
• Good indication of why the writer prefers the particular field of study and the particular organization.
• From this letter sender’s interest towards the work was seen effectively.
. Good closing tone of the letter.
Hi Aishath,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I feel that the letter is littered with grammatical errors. For example, the closing should be "thank you" instead of "thanking you". In general, I feel that correctness of the 7Cs is sorely lacking in this letter.
Secondly, I feel that it is insufficient that the sender only expressed her enthisiasm towards the work. In my opinion, it would be better to state how the hospital might benefit from employing her.
Hi Aishath,
ReplyDeleteThis letter is probably the worst letter in request for internship. The writer has bad command in English and it protrays a bad attitude. Also, alot of personal details are missing in the letter. I feel that she should have state her specific area of interest relating to the laboratories she wishes to gain more experience within. She should also include any other related experience she has had or projects she has done in school.
I am not sure if anyone noticed it but right at the beginning of the letter, she stated that she would like to apply for "Work Experience position" for "3 weeks". Firstly, what is a "Work Experience position" ? If I was the recepient of the letter, I would have felt bewildered. Secondly, she said she wanted a job for 3 weeks. I would have felt bewildered again. Shouldn't it be 3 months? She did mentioned that her vacation was from May to July, which is 3 months. Moreover, if you think about it logically, would you actually consider "only 3 weeks of work" as proper work experience?
ReplyDeleteOn the whole, I think if we were to sent out such letters to people, people are most likely not to treat our letters seriously, even if what we have to say is important.
The tone of the letter is courteous and she gives support for her interest in lab. work but the poor grammar and format undermine these strengths. Plus a lot of information is missing which an employer probably would not bother to request so her effort is wasted.
ReplyDeleteThree week work experience stints are quite common in Britain and that could be the same for undergaduates in this student's locality. I found the holiday/semester information confusing but the writer may (correctly) be assuming that the employer is familiar with the structure of the academic year.
Mrs Richardson